I don't think I've ever been challenged like this before.
Growing up in a specific church community, growing up in Mexico as a missionary kid under the guardianship of two parents who are more "relational" than "doctrinal" in their pursual of Christ, I've never had to clearly define for myself what salvation, baptism, discipleship, and all those big themes are. They just were. They were things I understood in concept and I could easily talk around them.
And then I went to college.
Before this I had never had somebody challenge me and ask me how I defined these things, if I considered myself "saved", if my "baptism" at six even counted, if there really was a difference between being a "follower" of Jesus and a "disciple" of Jesus and, if so, what were these differences? So when I was asked and was confronted by someone who thought my baptism didn't count, that maybe I hadn't had sufficient faith at that age to be able to make that decision, and that I couldn't be truly considered a disciple because my life was not reflecting the "fisher of men" part of the scriptures, I had no defense.
I still don't, to tell you the truth.
Thank God for my parents and their wisdom! My emotional turmoil about the state of my relationship with God has been calmed, but this experience has opened my eyes in other ways. I'm realizing that I haven't taken responsibility for my own spiritual education. I've been hoping that I could just get by on what I know and that eventually I would find someone who could mentor me and educate me further. Problem is, no one has come around and even those that had treat me like a newly saved Christian. I don't need that. I'm aware of the basics (or at least I thought). Now, I've decided that this cannot continue. I have to take on my own spiritual education. God is my teacher, the Bible my handbook, and all I have to do is devote myself to finding the answers that I was (am) struggling to find, define the themes that I thought I so understood.
It's time to take responsibility for myself and my spiritual growth.
So the next time I find myself in a group of Christians, no matter how good their intentions and how great of people they are, I am able to defend myself. Next time, I want to be able to biblically explain my baptism and why I don't feel the need to get re-baptized. Next time, I can explain how I see and define being a disciple of God, what that means and how that translates from the Bible and into my life. Next time, I won't feel so attacked by people I thought were for me. Next time, I will understand how much doctrine and denominational differences come into play.
Next time, I will be prepared.
