♪ "I threw my hands in the air, said, 'Show me something,'
He said, 'If you dare come a little closer'...
Not really sure how to feel about it...
Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving" ♪
The songs that you end up identifying with always seems to surprise me. Don't get me wrong, I identify with a lot of songs and even have a list of "theme songs" for my life from seventh grade all the way up to this year. But I may have to rethink the one I wanted to claim for this year.
Most of the songs I end up liking best are from my favorite Christian bands. But this song caught my ear and it has been sticking with me for a couple days now. I first identified it because of the bridge line which is used in some screencap or gifset of an OTP of mine. I liked how the song felt when I sang it. But now I almost want to identify with the singer.
Exaggeration, at best, but it's still true.
Why is communication such a difficult thing to humans? Are we really that afraid of getting hurt? I say yes, but I also think that it has to do with our insufferable pride. My current awkward/not-awkward/I-have-no-idea-what-this-is situation feels more like it's situated in pride rather than in any fears of getting hurt.
Ignorance and avoidance will have to do for now. It's not going to hurt anyone (yet?).
I almost can't keep this to myself. I have to. I will. I know, at least I think I know, deep down, what it meant, what this means, and I am okay with it. I'm grateful in a weird way. I won't let it ruin anything.
Better not to make waves with it and use it for what it wasn't meant.
What does it mean to be grown up? I've been stewing over that phrase and the concept of maturity versus responsibility as my friends go through their own transitions and dramas unfold and refold and disappear (thank god!) and even their perceptions of themselves.
I don't feel grown up. I don't want to grow up.
Responsibility definitely increases with age, but without living a bit of life first and experiencing things (I guess I mostly think of painful things) and perhaps even increasing in maturity THEN and only then, do I think someone is actually "grown up."
I'm rambling and speaking in subtext. God, I hate it when people do that. But in this case, it's necessary. I have stooped to that because I needed to write this out somewhere where people wouldn't know or comment or ask.
It's simple. I'm confused. Life is confusing. I still have no idea where I'm going. God help me and strengthen me for whatever it is that is coming my way.
Yay for finally writing after it's been like three months!!! I should get into this habit again.
Oh, and by the way...
Day 1 starts now.
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